Nevermind, I got bored and did it anyways.
P0AC4 - Requested MIL illumination (generic code)
P1AF0 - Drive Motor A Fault/Isolation lost between mid-pack voltage and chassis
Essentially, part of the battery got shorted to the chassis through Drive Motor A
P1AF2 - Drive Motor B Fault/Isolation lost between mid-pack voltage and chassis
Same as above but through Drive Motor B
P1B0B - Drive Motor A Low Voltage/Mid-pack voltage low
Battery voltage in one segment lower than expected (probably because it was shorted to ground...)
P1B43 - Drive Motor B Low Voltage/Mid-pack voltage low
Same as above, measured at Drive Motor B
P1E1E - Auxiliary transmission fluid pump voltage low
Same as above, measured at transmission fluid pump
P1E22 - Auxiliary transmission fluid pump fault
Same as P1AF0/2, shorted through transmission fluid pump
P0A46 - Drive Motor B position sensor degraded performance
MG (motor generator) B position sensor reported a strange/unexpected signal
P0C04 - Drive Motor B overcurrent
There was more than 600A of current through one of the three phases of MGB
P1AEE - Drive Motor A voltage high
Voltage measured at MGA was higher than 450V
P1AEF - Drive Motor B voltage high
Same as above, measured at MGB
P1AF4 - Drive Motor A Low Voltage/Mid-pack voltage low
Same as P1B0B, but measured at a different part of the battery
P1AF6 - Drive Motor B Low Voltage/Mid-pack voltage low
P1E1C - Auxiliary transmission fluid pump voltage low
Same as P1E1E, but measured at a different part of the battery
P215C - Output shaft speed sensor correlation off
This one's worded a bit tricky, but it sounds like the output shaft speed sensor was reporting a different value than it should have been, given the speed of the wheels and individual motors.
P3260 - Internal Control Module Drive Motor Control Performance (say that 5 times fast)
Excessive motor torque and/or engine speed detected after driver shifts to Neutral.
(Shifting to Neutral is purely a digital operation, and the computer should instantly kill all motor torque and return the engine to idle)
U0078 - Doesn't exist in manual, but other U00** codes indicate "Bus communication off"
One of the modules stopped communicating with the main communication system, which is generally very very bad and indicates a serious problem.
So, the general gist of things is that "sh1t's broke, son". I'm no Volt engineer, or even automotive engineer, but given my hobbyist electrical engineering background, it sounds like there was at
least one short circuit in the high-voltage system near the transmission essentially causing current to run from the battery through all the motors straight back into the battery. I'm not entirely sure how that happened; if the vehicle was in good shape and hadn't undergone any strenuous or shocking situations, it sounds like a manufacturing defect.
I just noticed that MGB was reporting the unexpected position sensor value as well as the overcurrent condition, but neither MGA or the pump motor were. That makes me think there was a short circuit in MGB (the main drive motor, i.e. the one not connected to the engine).